The Ultimate Key to Authentic Communication
The goal of SkillSpire Academy’s “REAL Communication” online learning program is to help people talk about difficult challenges, complex problems and uncomfortable issues in a direct, open, mutually engaged manner. This usually requires the development of new communication skills AND the commitment to create a “safe” environment where our communication patterns foster openness rather than fear or discomfort. Of course this is much easier to say than to actually accomplish. If this stuff was easy, everyone would already be doing it, and the unfortunate truth is that most people in their personal and professional lives are NOT extraordinary communicators.
Many personal relationships tend to avoid the tough issues. Most business environments are NOT particularly “safe” for most employees. We all have communication strengths of course, but most of us also have significant opportunities for improvement as well.
The ultimate key to effective communication in every area of life is to begin with responsibility. Who is responsible for the clarity, productivity and civility of your communication with others? That would be you of course. Even when the other person is unfocused, scattered and rude, it is still your responsibility. Even when the other person seems determined to make communication difficult, it is your responsibility to make it productive. That’s a tough task – but remember, no one said this would be easy.
Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it’s addressed to someone else. ~Ivern Ball
When we communicate with others (or they with us) it is very tempting to blame them for any discomfort or misunderstanding. Or to blame them for not communicating in the manner we would prefer. Yes, it is true – sometimes we have to deal with eccentrics and control freaks and bullies and whiners and scardy cats and crazies in the workplace – and any reasonable person could probably justify placing most of the blame for poor communication on their shoulders. But what good does that do? They certainly aren’t going to change, so if we are going to improve the communication, then YOU will have to do something differently.
I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln
Most people aren’t actually trying to be difficult communicators. The vast majority of people really want to do a good job and want to communicate effectively with others – its one of our core human needs. But we are complex creatures and the communication pattern that works well for one person can drive another to frustration. Being a flexible communicator is part of the solution. Being willing to communicate in a way that works for the other person. When we take responsibility for getting a message across to others (and for helping others get their messages across to us) it frees us to do whatever it takes to achieve that result. Again, accepting TOTAL personal responsibility for the effectiveness of your interpersonal communication with others is a tough, unreasonable challenge. Only an exceptional individual would put such a responsibility on his or her own shoulders.
You’re up to a good challenge, aren’t you?